I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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