Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
