also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Randomize
