I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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