ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
