I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
