In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize