How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
