I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
