What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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