have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
