babies were throwing up all over the place
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
