if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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