This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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