i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
