When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
