So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
