when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
