i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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