he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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