I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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