I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
high people should be assigned attendants
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
