I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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