I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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