new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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