I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
