Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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