the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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