ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
