they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
