Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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