they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
