winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
