yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
