sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
