This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
