no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize