How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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