Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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