Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
