hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
