Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
