He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
