No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
