I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
