My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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