I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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