I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
