You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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