im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
