Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize