you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
