you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
