very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize