You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
