It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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