FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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