Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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