i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
