Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
