you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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