they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
