you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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