its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize