My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
