I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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