Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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