i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
