He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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