what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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