ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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