Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
