I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize