Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just want nice things and good sex
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
