the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm just crazy horny about you
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
