I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
