I just pynch a tree in the face
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
