i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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