Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
