Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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