if you like me you must not know who I am
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
