My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
