Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize