Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
