new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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