Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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