I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
