Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
