my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
