im about as happy as oj after his trial
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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