i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize