1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
