Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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