you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
