i really wish james franco would like my vagina
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
