You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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