I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
