i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
