Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
