I like to think it a success when the cops are called
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
