There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize