So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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