oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
