she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
