Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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